An addled mind

I have posted little in some time. Depression will do that. I have been reasonably functional, but nothing has been able to hold my attention long. My responsibilities at work drains me of energy, leaving little to care about other pursuits. This isn't too far from the normality of my life for some time, just... Continue Reading →

At the mercy of my mind

I left work early yesterday, an uncommon thing for me. I felt ill in so many ways that it must surely be genuine. As the day and considerable sleep passed, it became apparent that it was not viral or such, but originated in stress, depression, and probably a number of other factors that created illness... Continue Reading →


It's weird having emotions bottled up, especially when dealing with depression, mania, and anxiety. I can still feel the changes, but they are suppressed, ready to explode under too much pressure. The suicidal ideation (different from thoughts and tendencies, mind you...calm down) is still present, but dulled. The doctor increased my meds a while back... Continue Reading →


I am exhausted, particularly mentally. I take actions without thought and must deal with the consequences. These aren't conscious decisions, but more of an uninformed impulse. Certainty does not replaced an informed statement or behavior. Is this a manifestation of mental illness that the medication not effective against, or is it a side-effect of the... Continue Reading →

Love… something my past fiance thought (probably still thinks) that I am incapable of. Why? She questioned that someone who doesn't like themselves cannot be capable of love. We haven't communicated in years, but I do still have feelings for her and the aftermath of our relationship ending was devastating to me, particularly since I... Continue Reading →

In light of so many posts that I have made, it feels that some clarification is needed. My mind is often a dreaded enemy. It often tears me apart at times through depression, anxiety, or both. The mania is not as bad as it once was, but is still there. In talking about these issues... Continue Reading →

Reaching New Lows

My self-esteem has plummeted at work. I continue to make basic mistakes over things that I should be remembering. It has become painfully apparent that I am not up to the challenge of human resource work. It is agonizing every time that a new problem arises. How do you adequately explain that your brain is... Continue Reading →

Blithely stumbling along, blind and weary

I am often confused. It is rather common these days for someone to make a comment, particularly a joke, and I just stand still trying to piece it all together. There are many things that still occur on automatic, such as driving (I've always been a paranoiac, defensive driver), but in serious cogitation, things aren't... Continue Reading →

Social Self-Destruction

Insecurity is destructive, particularly when one thinks of relationships. I have always been a failure at intimacy due to a lack of confidence. The notion that one does not deserve love out of fears of inadequacy is not uncommon. Feeling as though you are doing your partner justice by bowing out before making things worse... Continue Reading →

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