Struggling

That's the whole thing. It summarizes my life for some time now. Everything feels like an insurmountable task or a pointless endeavor. This doesn't just affect my home life, naturally, but also work. I often dive in to whatever I am working on just to feel as though it is a contribution to the success... Continue Reading →

Weary

I am fatigued beyond measure, both physically and mentally. Life events, poor sleep, and depression have left me desperate for relief. Part of my reaction is to spend more time on Twitter as there are few people there that know me, but also that the varied populace there draws me away from Facebook where I... Continue Reading →

April

April is an up and down month for me. My birthday was yesterday as well as being Project Semicolon Day. Ironic, all things considered. I have spoken of my history with suicide both within myself and external impacts. Having these two events coinciding are symbolic to me. The image above will be my first tattoo,... Continue Reading →

Time

In a matter of weeks I will be forty-four years old. It's just a number to me, marking out how long I have survived being me. Sometimes it feels as though I know exactly who has been marking the passage of those years, but others seem that I am a stranger to myself. I have... Continue Reading →

Damaging Words

"How can you say you love someone if you don't love yourself?" Has this question ever been put to you? I heard it from my ex-fiance. That should have been the clue that things wouldn't end well, but I loved her and wanted to find some meeting ground. It didn't work, obviously, since I prefaced... Continue Reading →

Scattered Thoughts

I did not realize there was a spam folder on this account until last week or so. I went through and approved all those that didn't look like spam, but I couldn't tell for certain on some. If you left a comment and I didn't approve it, I am sorry for that. I greatly appreciate... Continue Reading →

An addled mind

I have posted little in some time. Depression will do that. I have been reasonably functional, but nothing has been able to hold my attention long. My responsibilities at work drains me of energy, leaving little to care about other pursuits. This isn't too far from the normality of my life for some time, just... Continue Reading →

At the mercy of my mind

I left work early yesterday, an uncommon thing for me. I felt ill in so many ways that it must surely be genuine. As the day and considerable sleep passed, it became apparent that it was not viral or such, but originated in stress, depression, and probably a number of other factors that created illness... Continue Reading →

Rollercoaster

It's weird having emotions bottled up, especially when dealing with depression, mania, and anxiety. I can still feel the changes, but they are suppressed, ready to explode under too much pressure. The suicidal ideation (different from thoughts and tendencies, mind you...calm down) is still present, but dulled. The doctor increased my meds a while back... Continue Reading →

Weary

I am exhausted, particularly mentally. I take actions without thought and must deal with the consequences. These aren't conscious decisions, but more of an uninformed impulse. Certainty does not replaced an informed statement or behavior. Is this a manifestation of mental illness that the medication not effective against, or is it a side-effect of the... Continue Reading →

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