Strange Emotions

My medications have, rather suddenly, stopped being effective. In the last month I have had multiple crippling anxiety attacks the like of which have been unknown to me for longer than I can recall. Last week I began a depressive state that almost caused me to leave work early. What really drove it home, though,... Continue Reading →

Trigger Warning might be needed

I didn't apply for the open position at work. I alarmed a number of people with a massive anxiety meltdown last week. I think my meds are failing or I am slipping into stronger depressed and anxious episodes. Suicide ideation has been re-visiting me lately. I dislike the fact that a gun has been left... Continue Reading →

Everyone into the handbasket…

I grew up terrified of the thought of hell, but that became overshadowed by the nightmare my own mind could brew. The thought of reaching my thirties was an alien concept. In a vague way, I expected to be dead long before life could inflict that on me. It wasn't a death wish, although it... Continue Reading →

I’m a Historian…

...although I have not been an academic historian since I graduated college. As a park guide/ranger, I have been more involved with public history. The former is more focused on using historical research to support a formal argument of a given subject that is typically published for peer review or general publication. The latter is... Continue Reading →

Lo, there do I see my father…

Although my medication does well at controlling my bipolar symptoms most days, it can do little about sadness, particularly grief. When depression and sadness intersect, it is a state of indescribable misery. Wolf, or Wolfman, was my little brother. We weren't kin, but he was as much my sibling as if he were flesh and... Continue Reading →

“Who isn’t diagnosed with it?”

That was a common insight I heard growing up when someone was mentioned as being bipolar. It was laughed off and considered nothing more than doctors wanting to make more money by inventing a disorder. People do tend to be at least a little more thoughtful if you say that you are being treated for... Continue Reading →

Just Beneath the Surface

Every ad for medications list a string of potential side-effects that equal out to being more horrifying than whatever it is supposed to treat. What is difficult to parse out in a potential medication is that any suspected side-effect must be reported. Did a person experience flu-like symptoms due to the drug, or did they... Continue Reading →

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