Rollercoaster

It's weird having emotions bottled up, especially when dealing with depression, mania, and anxiety. I can still feel the changes, but they are suppressed, ready to explode under too much pressure. The suicidal ideation (different from thoughts and tendencies, mind you...calm down) is still present, but dulled. The doctor increased my meds a while back... Continue Reading →

Blithely stumbling along, blind and weary

I am often confused. It is rather common these days for someone to make a comment, particularly a joke, and I just stand still trying to piece it all together. There are many things that still occur on automatic, such as driving (I've always been a paranoiac, defensive driver), but in serious cogitation, things aren't... Continue Reading →

Strange Emotions

My medications have, rather suddenly, stopped being effective. In the last month I have had multiple crippling anxiety attacks the like of which have been unknown to me for longer than I can recall. Last week I began a depressive state that almost caused me to leave work early. What really drove it home, though,... Continue Reading →

Trigger Warning might be needed

I didn't apply for the open position at work. I alarmed a number of people with a massive anxiety meltdown last week. I think my meds are failing or I am slipping into stronger depressed and anxious episodes. Suicide ideation has been re-visiting me lately. I dislike the fact that a gun has been left... Continue Reading →

“Who isn’t diagnosed with it?”

That was a common insight I heard growing up when someone was mentioned as being bipolar. It was laughed off and considered nothing more than doctors wanting to make more money by inventing a disorder. People do tend to be at least a little more thoughtful if you say that you are being treated for... Continue Reading →

Just Beneath the Surface

Every ad for medications list a string of potential side-effects that equal out to being more horrifying than whatever it is supposed to treat. What is difficult to parse out in a potential medication is that any suspected side-effect must be reported. Did a person experience flu-like symptoms due to the drug, or did they... Continue Reading →

Anxiously Alive

One of my worst experiences with an anxiety attack was during a two hour, two mile cave tour that I was leading. It wasn't the first or last time I had a mental health hiccup while doing so and it wasn't the last. Ironically, some of my best compliments came from visitors who were experiencing... Continue Reading →

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