Mental Health: Interlude

Confession time: I ran out of one of my psych meds nearly a week ago and won’t get more until tomorrow or the day after. Don’t shout at me! I ran out and kept getting distracted and realized there were no refills when I could focus on the fact. So, it only occurred to me in the last hour why I began to feel some fire again. It’s called mania and it has been medically secure for a long while now. It is also accompanied by wrath and a refusal to just quietly or passively aggressively allow something to pass.

When I am feeling “normal”, there is little control. My emotions are everywhere and my words will leave blisters. I’ve struggled to exert some control over this for 20 years, but could not even hope to contain it until starting a pharmaceutical regimen. Now it has become clear to me that my only options are a marginal amount of control or being so medicated that I am numb. I am not exactly functional in either direction, though, so I suppose that makes it a Catch-22 (I need to read that book).

Do I take my chances and see how this goes or immediately begin weaning myself back on the missing prescription? I do feel somewhat more confident, but I am also less likely to accept someone’s attitude and remain diplomatic. However, I have also not had a sudden depressive state that put me into a wracking, coughing crying fit in under a minute for quite some time. When these are the options available, how do you even measure the value of one over another? Admittedly, I will probably look at which option has the least side-effect of feeling as though I am losing my fucking mind.

3 thoughts on “Mental Health: Interlude

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  1. Decisions decisions decisions. I always think of that song: “should I stay or should I go”, when ever I have to make a decision like that. “If I go there will be trouble, If I stay there will be double” lol!
    I’m actually off depression med at the moment. Viibryd didn’t work out very well. Will be going in tomorrow to talk to someone about a different med but been thinking of staying off to see how I do. I hope and pray for wisdom for you. Well for us both. God has helped me push past the depression I was in for a bit there while and after being weened off the wellbutrin. So I’m in a feeling fairly good and got a bit of energy state right now. So even though I’m not Bipolar I can identify with you on it. I’m no expert but I’ve known a few friends who deal with bipolar. I worry about you. But no yelling. Im pretty forgetful and easily distracted also. Take care of yourself dear. Will always hope and pray for the best for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been told not to stop psych meds cold turkey, so I would definitely refill and resume treatment asap, while resolving to discuss alternative dose or treatment with my own mental health team.

    Liked by 1 person

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