Struggling

That’s the whole thing. It summarizes my life for some time now. Everything feels like an insurmountable task or a pointless endeavor. This doesn’t just affect my home life, naturally, but also work. I often dive in to whatever I am working on just to feel as though it is a contribution to the success of the program, even though I have been slipping lately. I have a very busy week ahead and I am intimidated by the thought of juggling it all. I will perform to the best of my ability, but will no doubt require the use of my emergency pills, which I try to avoid unless desperately needed.

I feel alone everywhere, man. I feel no connections to people any longer and it is a crushing feeling. Trying to remain level-headed amidst this is a true struggle. I know that some people reading this will know the feeling intimately, but that doesn’t erase the deep held belief that no one does. No amount of positive vibes another person tries to share will cut through. I can pull out of this, but am currently clueless as to how or when.

Fucking depression, man, it eats away at your very core. I feel fortunate to be so cognizant of it, but still having to find new ways to fight it back. The same old tricks don’t work and I am searching for new ones. What works for one rarely works for another. I’ve got this, but I’m still struggling, particularly to feel secure that there is a place for me in this world. I have yet to carve out a piece that fits me.

As an end note, don’t get overwrought over me, I will be okay, but I need to express myself. Thank you for stopping by, darlings. Please be kind to yourselves and share what you can spare with others. Hope to see you again.

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