Damaging Words

“How can you say you love someone if you don’t love yourself?”

Has this question ever been put to you? I heard it from my ex-fiance. That should have been the clue that things wouldn’t end well, but I loved her and wanted to find some meeting ground. It didn’t work, obviously, since I prefaced it with ex, but I dearly wanted it to. That question highlighted a suspicion and distrust that remains with me today.

I have always hated myself for many reasons, but I constantly look for ways to change that piece by piece. It wasn’t enough to salvage my last relationship. She was understanding, kind, and caring, but my mentasl state was deteriorating and I felt unable to remain in a relationship at that time.

To be fair, if there was no love in me, I would have shouldered those bags of rocks and waded into the rivers all those years ago. I fall in love easily, but not always wisely. It can be redirected, though, into a dear friendship. This happens a lot in my life. Finding a woman to accept the trainwreck that I am and that I love romantically in turn is a near impossibility. This leaves me wondering how so many arranged marriages work. (Note that I said arranged, not forcibly agreed upon.)

Well, I have lost my concentration on where this was going and should probably go to bed. Good night, darlings, and thank you for stopping by. I hope to see you again soon, but do remember to be kind to yourself.

One thought on “Damaging Words

Add yours

  1. …I don’t why I hit like. I mean I don’t like that you are struggling so much. I suppose I meant it to say, I understand. (And its a short cut to comment. I’m reading this through email)
    Any way.
    I wish you could see what I see in you. ♥️
    Be kind to yourself too.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: