This was not a good day. There were events at work that triggered a massive and lengthy anxiety attack that worsened as I realized mistakes that I had made. Holding up well under the pressure was insufficient and the sense of unease grew. I felt as though a cardiac event were occurring. My mind was filled with dread and there was a persistent thudding in my chest. I ended up with my left arm wrapped around my chest to give the head support. It became apparent as things calmed down that I was not well and this was observed by several.
I continued to get worse and several people told me to leave, but to wait in my car for a minute before attempting to drive. My emergency pills helped considerably and I was able to drive. Now is the guilt, the feeling of being weak to be unable to stop this event from occuring or just continue to motor through it. I did manage the latter for an hour or so, though, but I continued to fall apart.
I’m too worn to continue writing about this. Be kind to yourselves, darlings.