Reaching New Lows

My self-esteem has plummeted at work. I continue to make basic mistakes over things that I should be remembering. It has become painfully apparent that I am not up to the challenge of human resource work. It is agonizing every time that a new problem arises. How do you adequately explain that your brain is faulty? That I have had life-long issues with my memory and it is getting worse? I was so excited when I began, and likewise at the prospect of new challenges, but all of this became overshadowed by my failings.

I want to succeed and remain terrified of the impact of my mental health on performance. Fears like this rule me, even reaching some levels that it can overwhelm the medication. I hit a sudden plummet in mental health yesterday around lunch, hitting a brief, deep depression. I like to be a useful person, but I feel like such a burden. It’s a new obstacle to overcome, but I have yet to figure out how.

I’m not sure that I have it in me, but I’m going to try and make a post daily this month. I missed yesterday, so another post today would be in order. Thank you for stopping by as always. I hope you come back again, but I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. Take care, darlings, and be kind to yourselves.

6 thoughts on “Reaching New Lows

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  1. I have a bracelet that I wear regularly that says: Through God anything is possible.(er, something to that effect) It reminds me that The Creator is always there to help me though. I know you don’t believe. But I wish you did. I wish you’d give God another chance. Even though I get frozen with fear too And I have hurdles I haven’t jumped yet. I know He is there to guide me. We just need to be still for a moment and listen with our hearts. I know you can get through this. Even if you need to change employment. But don’t look at yourself as a failure. I battle that too. Yes we’ve made mistakes. Yes it’s harder for us. But don’t give up. Keep pushing through. I. Believe in you. Believe in yourself.
    You. Are. Worthy.
    Love you my dear friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry the cloud is upon you, friend. I have found the crisis textline to be really helpful sometimes when stuck in a thought-/emotion- spiral. They are always willing to listen and help you figure out how to just get from one moment to the next, at least, for a brief respite. Text HOME or TALK to 741741

    https://afsp.org/five-biggest-myths-crisis-text-line/

    Also, I know it sounds hokey, but Jason Stephenson sleep meditations on youtube have helped so much, not just with my insomnia, but with my physical and mental well-being, too.

    Best wishes to you, as ever, William. Be kind to yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

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