Why Am I Like This?

Yesterday I was moody and out of sorts. It had been building, but it wasn’t distinctly felt until I was deep into the emotions.

In part, it manifested as anger, withdrawal and feeling sorry for myself. The root of it, though, was paranoia. Am I being mocked? Have I been malicious without thought or realization? Am I simply unlikeable? These are a few of the emotions that went through my mind. Did they have any basis? None whatsoever, but I felt them all the same. I let my guard down and allowed it to take over. That’s when the withdrawal truly began. I had to distance myself from be reactionary before I said something regretful.

This used to be a routine for me. Anything could trigger this response. Sometimes it was valid, but mostly it was my brain telling me what a piece of shit I had been. There has never been a rhyme or reason to it, truthfully, except that I felt I was little more than dirt. I deserved to feel this way. It doesn’t have to be logical, it just is a reality of life, both for myself and so many others.

Thanks for stopping by, and take care my friends.

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