A sliding scale of intellect

Well, I intended to wait on the next post until it was plotted out, but I am currently unemployed and must force my mind to focus. To the point, a lack of focus is what this concerns. Over the course of my life there have been periods where I was considered brilliant. Other times people would remark that I was too intelligent to be so stupid. Does that sound familiar? A number of people with mental health issues have commiserated with me that they have similar experiences. It is a jarring transition to go from rapid productivity and high-functioning mental aptitude to barely being able to do more than string together a sentence. I am currently medicated for bipolar 2 and have noticed these wild shifts slowing down over the years. While it is welcome to have my moods under control, why must I trade off those periods of increased mental acuity?

The greatest influence on these shifts in awareness can be attributed to hypomania. Constantly shifting between periods of increased productivity and speed of thought is balanced out by the periods of those same processes downshifting to a weak level of activity. In truth, I still have these occurrences regardless of the medication, although not to the degree as in the past. Sometimes I can feel the signs manifesting, but prevented from fully surfacing due to the medication. It’s certainly unsettling to experience. I have been in a slump for the last several weeks in terms of creativity after beneficial trait with such a detrimental opposite having a length of time when I was making significant progress on writing projects. The frustration is consuming, but dulled by feeling, mentally, as thick as a yard of lard.

People that live with hypomania are also plagued by the fact that that increased activity is not always productive or constructive. adding to that is the diminished level of self-control. Overspending, poor choices in relationship activities, and a slew of other negatives. If, as some people say, this is akin to a superpower, it is also, by nature, the Achilles Heel of the hero(or villain, I’m not judging). How does one reconcile a beneficial trait like this with an equally detrimental aspect? Medication certainly, counseling helps, but practice is also a vital activity. What I mean by practice is this: Keep your brain engaged and active. If you find yourself slipping downwards, change it up. The decision to begin these posts is for this very reason. Varying ways in challenging the mind can provide relief and give an outlet for the excess of energy. I know, not everything works for everyone, but it is worth a chance. Anything that works, pursue it, especially if it curbs the excess of of erratic behavior.

I do well these days with my spending except for food and tobacco. These are two crippling vices that I am currently working on. They are a crutch to feel better, although that lasts so briefly that is leads to a gluttonous attitude to get the next fix. This is something I will delve into more at a later time when I spend more words on impulsive behavior. For now, though, it is my hope that this is useful to others that recognize the same occurrences in their life and instill a sense of introspection and reflection on the behavior. I’m not an expert by any means, but speaking from personal experiences and observations. Cheers, friend, and try to be well today.

2 thoughts on “A sliding scale of intellect

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  1. Well spoken. Your words have truth, not just for mental health, but for life. In times when anyone is lost or stagnate, even the smallest changes outside of ones normal boundaries can make all the difference.

    Liked by 1 person

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